If there is one thing we can all agree upon, it is that quarantine and COVID-19 sucks.
But here we are, doing our best to make something good of it- and even just surviving and living day-by-day is more than enough.
Quarantine life has brought stressors and pain I have not felt before in my life. Many of us are experiencing new emotions, thinking of new ideas, and are forced to think outside of the box.
Sometimes that “outside of the box” thinking is a forbidden place. Either someone told us not to ever think or dream that way, or worse: we are telling ourselves that we “can’t”.
“I can’t do that.”
“I could never do that!”
“Are you kidding me? That’s not me!”
“I probably can’t do it- so I shouldn't”
“I’ll probably fail”
“Too many people are doing it, so why should I?”
“No one has done it yet- what if I mess up?”
Have any of the above phrases taken up too much space in your mind?
I have been there. And very recently during this pandemic. With the support of my husband and with my own compassionate mental strategies, I was able to take myself out of my own “box” that I had built around myself.Before the entire world shut down, my goal in January 2020 was to become a healthier person. Eat better, practice more body movement, and care for my mental health. I started off slow, just changing eating habits first. After I got the hang of that, I started going to the gym three times a week.
The pandemic hit. Gyms closed. And with COVID running rampant in my residential area, it was incredibly important to stay safe and stay home.
This threw a giant wrench in my January 2020 goal. My husband sat with me and he helped me make a plan. I was down for the stretches, the strengthening, and the balancing. He then said “jogging”.
Cardio? Jogging? Me? “HAH!” I laughed at myself. I was the kid in middle school who dreaded the Monday Mile run- even cried over it. The only time I ran was for sports such as soccer and basketball, or for emergency purposes when I was a first-responder.
To run by choice? I NEVER imagined myself being that person.
My husband said, “Just try. Run in place.” He demonstrated for me, like the sweetheart he is, and of course- I laughed. It looked silly- that’s what I told myself, but what I was really saying was:I will look silly. A fat person running? No one, and maybe not even my husband, wants to see that.
This is what I was telling myself. This critical self talk was stopping me from achieving my goal. My list of excuses ranged from “I’m too embarrassed to try” to “I never saw myself as a runner”. These thoughts manifested into fear. The fear manifested into a wall I built up for myself: “I am not a runner, and I never will be.”
And a few days later, I got over myself.
Sure yeah, I am fat.
Yup, I don’t like running.
This will be hard. Very hard.
But- I will try. I “got over” myself: aka- I didn’t let my own judgements of self or my fear stop me from at least trying.
Day 1: I could barely jog for three minutes straight.
I tried again the next day.
I tried again.
Again.
And again.
Then one day, I could jog straight for 5 minutes, and my stomach didn’t hurt. I was still panting and my face was red, but I was in less pain.
A few weeks later, I’m jogging for 15 minutes straight… and… it felt nice.
A few months go by, I’m jogging comfortably between 25-30 minutes.
And then for a bit, due to other health reasons, my jogging game became less routine. One day, I felt ready to jog and after I was finished I felt AMAZING. I was happy. It felt good to run.
I enjoyed jogging! Correction: I enjoy it! (present tense!)
My husband and I, when we can get out of the house, sometimes we take a moment to jog a bit during a visit in nature.
We are now planning to make jogging outside a more regular part of our week!
Is the 12 year old, 20 year old, 26 year old, inside of me surprised and shocked? Absolutely!
Are my past selves proud of me? Yes.
Most importantly: Am I proud of myself? Yes!
Fear of how I’ll “look” in the process. Scared of failure. Afraid of actually becoming something that I thought my entire life I couldn’t be. I was afraid of a version of myself that was possible, a version of myself that did succeed in my goal.
Now I am here to ask you: Are you afraid of yourself? Are you scared of your own success? Petrified from your unknown potential?
Here are four tips that have helped me embrace my potential self:
1. Critically reflect on your initial, reactionary thoughts- When did I start thinking this way about myself?
- These voices are not my own: where did the echo start and from whom?
- Why is this my first reaction to my idea?
2. Visualize
- Thoughts are real. Thoughts make an impact on your life.
- Close your eyes and imagine yourself working towards your goal.
- Imagine yourself in the outfit you’ll wear in the process.
- Imagine yourself with your support system.
- Imagine yourself succeeding! What does it look like?
- More importantly, how do you FEEL when you visualize yourself.
- What helped me continue my health progress journey was going at my own speed. Not comparing myself to anyone else.
- Some days, I just put on the running clothes to get comfortable in them. That was my progress.
- Then it was jogging in place, and you read that correctly: I barely could jog for 3 minutes straight.
- Do not push yourself when you are not ready. That goes for your body, mind, and heart. I have pushed myself before and it was not good. I ended up in the ER- but that might be a story for another blog post!
- Life is not a race. It is YOUR life. You do what is best for you!
- If you are making progress (again, no matter how slow!) joy will find you! Sometimes, even faster than you think!
- Embrace the joy- how are you feeling? Are you smiling more? Do you feel more confident about yourself? Do you feel excited and motivated?
- These are great feelings! It is ok to be surprised- turn that shock into being proud of yourself and your journey!
- Growth, happiness, overcoming challenges- none of that should ever be hidden.
Always,
Andrea
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