When I can't find the words to describe how I am feeling, I lean on my artistic side- my imagination, trained by my childhood wonder of staring out the car window. After I took a deep breath, an image of an un-tethered balloon came to me. An un-tethered balloon after a party. It still has helium, just gently, gracefully floating above the ground. I then found my words: I am feeling tired, and a bit detached. This feeling is not negative, it just felt factual: I am tired and detached.
This balloon, still beautiful, still traveling yet, in their own way, at their own pace. Not controlled or tied down, but going with the flow. Not performing, posed, or staged anymore- just being.
Since January, I've been more curious about my thoughts and doing so in the most self-compassionate way possible (which can be hard at times).
I learned that my inner peace was shaped by my reaction, my response to people, what was said, or to situations. It may seem obvious, but to intentionally practice protecting your own peace by strengthening your thoughts is an exercise not often taught.
Thoughts, our emotions, how we respond, tend to be discussed in the extremes: too emotional- too cold, reactive - recluse, is there a middle?
There is!
We have to create it ourselves. We can begin by exploring and naming our boundaries. You might be asking to yourself, "How do I know where to put boundaries, and what -are- the boundaries I need?"
Ask yourself this:
Where do I spend energy?When do I feel the most depleted? Mentally, Emotionally, Physically?
What weight am I assigning to people and situations?
What am I carrying? Is it even mine to carry?
Like I mentioned earlier, since the beginning of the year, I've been a bit more critically-compassionate about where my thoughts land, why they land there, and the impact they have on my emotions and therefore, their impact on my inner peace.
For a long long time, I was always concerned about getting loved ones upset. I became a people pleaser- being told to serve everyone first, be the mature one first, to be accommodating, self-sacrificing first. In one sentence: I felt responsible for other people's emotions and reactions.
In our entire lives, the only thing we have control over is ourselves. And yeah, maybe we need help from a coach, a therapist, etc., but at the end of the day, we have our magnificent, complex selves, that has so much room to grow- if we are willing to create that space within ourselves.
It's telling yourself, "Woah there, this shrinking of self & boundary is harming you, time to expand this space for yourself". I know for me it was tricky. It took practice. It took me repeating healthier thoughts to myself.
And I am so happy that it has panned out. I now can see, and REALLY feel, my inner peace in a way I couldn't before.
My Real Life Situations:
In May, I received disappointing news about something I applied for. A year ago, I would have felt like a failure, been mad at myself, and sulk for a few days. This year, I cried for a few minutes. Took a deep breath. Reflected on what I could do better next time, if I decide to pursue it again. I cried a bit more, just to grieve the imagined future and expectation that I crafted in my head- and I felt better. Within an hour, I was in my inner peace again. I am not attached to this situation. My sense of self and worthiness is not attached to this one moment.
- Don't get me wrong, I am a huge proponent of feeling your emotions and letting them out. Expressing our emotions is important. Letting them rule your thoughts, day, or week? Yeah, not so healthy.
In June, I was anticipating an invitation to a job interview. After a few weeks passed, I realized I didn't even get a phone interview. It felt- odd. I was confused. And, the moment I began to feel any level of hurt- I stopped myself: "Andrea, you did your best. You applied. This was their choice to not move you forward. They made a decision, that's simply what it is."
Honestly, I spent the rest of that day reflecting and made an action plan on how I can move forward to something new, and potentially, something better. It's August now, and I'm happy with where I am at and what might be next!
In early July, I was on the phone with a loved one. We were making plans and I shared with them a few boundaries I needed to make sure I could commitment to our social plans. The person on the other line immediately got upset, pouty, and made rude comments. After months of practicing, and remembering that I am not responsible for other people's feelings, I said:
"Ok, that's what you feel and I can understand. I am being honest with you because I thought you would respect my needs. I am doing my best to meet you where you're at. Can you try meeting me where I am at, too?"
The person brushed it aside, and we made half-baked plans. Later that day, they texted me a full on apology, which took me multiple thumb scrolls to read. I really appreciated that they took the time to be accountable for their judgements, reaction, and behavior.
Over a year ago, I would be devastated, crying, feeling torn, "What should I do? Do what I need or make sure this person is happy and not upset or disappointed?"
Guess what? The answer is: state your truth and do what is best for you.
I am holding on to this: in arguments, in decisions made, etc- any behavior that feels belittling, demeaning, or harmful to you- is a reflection of their character, what they are growing through, or holding on to. Not a reflection on you.
Protect your peace.
If a conversation is going in circles, you can simply stop. Regardless if you are right or wrong, keeping your inner peace is more important than proving you are right to someone, especially someone who doesn't take time to understand your perspective. Don't give them your time and energy when they won't pick it up.So now, here I am in August 2021- an un-tethered balloon:
No longer staging myself for other people's happiness.
No longer holding myself down to a weight of harmful narratives.
No longer allowing my emotions to string me around, attaching to something that rules my entire day or life around.
Meet my Inner Peace. I am lovingly and carefully cultivating you. I am softly abandoning all that no longer supports or serves me. Hello there, Inner Peace. It is so nice to meet you.
How is your Inner Peace? What does it feel like? If it was an image- what would it be? Let me know in the comments below!
Thank you <3
Always,
Andrea
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