Reacting vs. Responding: Why Both Matter

It's easy to assume that "reacting" is the lesser-choice of the two.

But today, I wanted to share with you my thoughts about "Reacting" vs. "Responding"- I feel both serve an important purpose.

Reactions get a bad rep because they are often only seen at the surface level. Our emotions are data- they are trying to tell us something.

Reacting is a natural human response.
It's innate- it comes from deep within.

Imagine:

• You just got negative feedback on a project you worked hard on: your mood and expression immediately deflate.
• Something doesn't go as planned, someone asks you about it and you become defensive. 
• You're stuck in traffic and are going to be late to an appointment: (insert road rage of your choice)

Reframe:

• Wow, I worked so hard on this project. I am disappointed in myself and never wanted to let the team down. 
• I'm in survival mode- What am I protecting myself from? Maybe I am close to burning out. 
• I could have prioritized my time and tasks better. This engagement is important to me. 

The next time you react- don't brush it away so fast.

Let yourself feel it- what is your emotion trying to tell you. Sit with it. 
That probably sounds uncomfortable and even scary- but trust me. You deserve an honest relationship with yourself. And if your reaction is in front of others- the first person who deserves to know what's going on is still YOU. Give yourself a moment to re-align yourself. 

Responding is about intentionally taking a pause after receiving information, experiencing a scenario, a situation- and then responding.

Here are a few examples of what responding can manifest as:

• Taking a deep breath
• Staying curious and asking a question
• "Tell me more" 
• Staying silent, reflective, or in receiving-mode
• Or, being honest and saying, "I am unable to discuss this right now, but would like to get back to you later" or "Can you give me a few minutes to collect my thoughts?" 

Of course, another way to respond is by actually responding with an intentional thought or idea- it doesn't have to be "right" or "perfect" but it comes from an intentional place. 

The goal isn't to "hide" your reactions or emotions. It takes practice to really listen to what your body and feelings are trying to tell you.

It's really about meeting yourself first before your respond. The more you're open and courageous to meet yourself first, the more honest you are with yourself and in-tune with what you want to say. 

The practice of Responding while honoring our own Reactions is important to me both professionally and personally. I grew up in a home where reactions were often not met with themselves. I took on the role as the "family counselor" or never shared my own reactions in order to "keep the peace". 

Don't get me wrong: I sometimes still solely react rather than honoring my reaction first, then responding. However, I will say that when I catch myself reacting- I am VERY quick to name it and claim it. I spend time reflecting about how I reacted and why. Then after, I go back and repair and heal those I may have impacted. 

It takes time and practice. Again- reaction has it's purpose: trying to tell ourselves something. Listen to it. Take your time with how you react. 

Responding is making an intentional decision with your reaction. 

What are your experiences? Have you thought about the differences between reacting and responding?